Dear Citizens of India,
We hear you. We hear every single one of your 5 crore pending cases. In fact, we hear them so well that we've decided to take our time responding — sometimes 20, 30, even 40 years. Good things come to those who wait, and justice is the best thing of all.
Some of you have expressed concern about judges joining political parties after retirement. Let me assure you — this is simply judges exercising their fundamental right to pursue their passions. The fact that their passion happens to align with the party whose cases they ruled on is purely coincidental.
As for the collegium system — we believe in transparency. That is why we transparently decide amongst ourselves, behind closed doors, who gets to be a judge. Democracy works best when the people who make the decisions also decide who makes the decisions.
Regarding sealed covers — some evidence is simply too important for the accused to see. We understand this may seem unfair, but rest assured, we have read it, and we think it's very convincing. You should trust us. After all, would a judge lie?
In closing, I want to remind you that criticising the judiciary is contempt of court. So please keep your opinions to yourself, or we'll see you in court. Eventually. In about 15 years.
With judicial warmth,
(This letter was auto-generated. Much like some of our judgments.)