Supreme Court of Satire • Est. 2026

Your case has been |

Cheap Justice of India — they judge you, we judge them.

Real facts about India's judiciary — corruption, loopholes, flawed judgments, and conflicts of interest — delivered with satirical honesty.

What We Offer

Our Services

What the Indian judiciary proudly offers its citizens

Adjournment-as-a-Service

Premium Feature

Why solve today what can be postponed for 6 months? Our judges offer industry-leading adjournment rates with zero accountability.

Sealed Cover Premium™

Top Secret

Evidence so secret, even the accused can't see it. Available exclusively for government clients.

Case Roulette

Auto-Assigned

Your case gets randomly assigned to whichever bench is free in 2031. No guarantees, no refunds.

VIP Fast Track

Know Someone?

Justice delayed is justice denied. Unless you know someone. Then it's justice delivered before lunch.

Post-Retirement Placement Cell

Loyalty Rewarded

Serve the government well on the bench, and the government serves you after. Governors, Rajya Sabha, Tribunals — your pick.

Contempt Express

Silence Guaranteed

Criticised a judge? Our Contempt Express service ensures you regret it within 24 hours. Free speech terms and conditions apply.

In-House Mechanism™

Self-Certified Clean

8,600 complaints in 10 years, all investigated by judges themselves. The accused is the jury. One impeachment in 75 years. Efficiency at its finest.

Textbook Censorship Bureau

New! Since 2026

Mentioned judicial corruption in a school textbook? We'll ban the entire book, demand heads roll, and ensure children learn only approved history. Knowledge is dangerous.

Collegium Mystery Box

No Minutes, No Reasons

Judges appoint judges in closed-door meetings with no public record. Parliament tried to change it — the Supreme Court struck it down 4:1. The box stays shut.

Official Correspondence

A Letter From The Hon'ble Cheap Justice

Dear Citizens of India,

We hear you. We hear every single one of your 5 crore pending cases. In fact, we hear them so well that we've decided to take our time responding — sometimes 20, 30, even 40 years. Good things come to those who wait, and justice is the best thing of all.

Some of you have expressed concern about judges joining political parties after retirement. Let me assure you — this is simply judges exercising their fundamental right to pursue their passions. The fact that their passion happens to align with the party whose cases they ruled on is purely coincidental.

As for the collegium system — we believe in transparency. That is why we transparently decide amongst ourselves, behind closed doors, who gets to be a judge. Democracy works best when the people who make the decisions also decide who makes the decisions.

Regarding sealed covers — some evidence is simply too important for the accused to see. We understand this may seem unfair, but rest assured, we have read it, and we think it's very convincing. You should trust us. After all, would a judge lie?

In closing, I want to remind you that criticising the judiciary is contempt of court. So please keep your opinions to yourself, or we'll see you in court. Eventually. In about 15 years.

With judicial warmth,

 

(This letter was auto-generated. Much like some of our judgments.)

Interactive

The Judicial Excuse Generator

Click to generate a perfectly valid reason why your case didn't move forward today.

“The wheels of justice turn slowly...”

Press the button to find out why

Follow the Career Path

The Revolving Door

From bench to political bench — the career trajectories that raise questions nobody is allowed to ask.

Real names. Real cases. Real pattern.

Ranjan Gogoi — CJI to Rajya Sabha

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2018–2019)

Presided over Ayodhya verdict, Rafale review dismissal, NRC matters

🏛️ Retired

Nov 2019

🎖️ Reward (Mar 2020)

Nominated to Rajya Sabha by the government

4 months
📰 Source →

Abhijit Gangopadhyay — Judge to BJP Politician

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2022–2024)

Aggressively pursued teacher recruitment scam cases; strong anti-TMC oral observations; unusual media visibility for a sitting judge

🏛️ Retired

Resigned Feb 2024

🎖️ Reward (Mar 2024)

Joined BJP, contested Lok Sabha elections

~3 weeks
📰 Source →

Rohit Arya — Controversial Judge to BJP Member

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2021–2023)

Denied bail to comedian Munawar Faruqui (2021); multiple politically sensitive judgments; accused of ideological bias while on bench

🏛️ Retired

Oct 2023

🎖️ Reward (Early 2024)

Joined BJP; publicly praised BNS; aligned with Modi govt's legal reforms

~3 months
📰 Source →

Ranjan Gogoi — Rajya Sabha Performance

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2020–2026)

Zero questions asked, zero private member bills, one debate participation, below-average attendance across 6-year tenure

🏛️ Retired

Already retired (CJI tenure ended Nov 2019)

🎖️ Reward (2020–2026)

Rajya Sabha MP — widely seen as a reward, not a role

6-year tenure review
📰 Source →

Yashwant Varma — Cash Scandal

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2025)

Rs 15 crore in burnt cash found at Delhi residence after Holi fire (Mar 2025); denied any connection

🏛️ Retired

Still serving (transferred to Allahabad HC)

🎖️ Reward (2025–ongoing)

Internal committee recommended impeachment — pending with government

Impeachment pending
📰 Source →

V. Ramaswami — Political Protection of a Judge

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (1991–1993)

Faced 14 charges of financial irregularities and extravagant spending as Chief Justice of Punjab & Haryana HC; inquiry committee found him guilty of misconduct

🏛️ Retired

Impeachment reached Lok Sabha

🎖️ Reward (1993)

Ruling Congress party abstained from voting — motion failed despite majority support among attending MPs

Saved by political abstention
📰 Source →

Soumitra Sen — Resigned to Dodge Impeachment

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2011)

Found guilty by Rajya Sabha of misappropriating public money he handled as a court-appointed receiver before becoming a judge

🏛️ Retired

Resigned before Lok Sabha could vote

🎖️ Reward (2011)

First judge impeached by Rajya Sabha — but resigned just in time to avoid formal removal. No prosecution followed.

Escaped via resignation
📰 Source →

Ranjan Gogoi — CJI to Rajya Sabha

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2018–2019)

Presided over Ayodhya verdict, Rafale review dismissal, NRC matters

🏛️ Retired

Nov 2019

🎖️ Reward (Mar 2020)

Nominated to Rajya Sabha by the government

4 months
📰 Source →

Abhijit Gangopadhyay — Judge to BJP Politician

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2022–2024)

Aggressively pursued teacher recruitment scam cases; strong anti-TMC oral observations; unusual media visibility for a sitting judge

🏛️ Retired

Resigned Feb 2024

🎖️ Reward (Mar 2024)

Joined BJP, contested Lok Sabha elections

~3 weeks
📰 Source →

Rohit Arya — Controversial Judge to BJP Member

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2021–2023)

Denied bail to comedian Munawar Faruqui (2021); multiple politically sensitive judgments; accused of ideological bias while on bench

🏛️ Retired

Oct 2023

🎖️ Reward (Early 2024)

Joined BJP; publicly praised BNS; aligned with Modi govt's legal reforms

~3 months
📰 Source →

Ranjan Gogoi — Rajya Sabha Performance

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2020–2026)

Zero questions asked, zero private member bills, one debate participation, below-average attendance across 6-year tenure

🏛️ Retired

Already retired (CJI tenure ended Nov 2019)

🎖️ Reward (2020–2026)

Rajya Sabha MP — widely seen as a reward, not a role

6-year tenure review
📰 Source →

Yashwant Varma — Cash Scandal

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2025)

Rs 15 crore in burnt cash found at Delhi residence after Holi fire (Mar 2025); denied any connection

🏛️ Retired

Still serving (transferred to Allahabad HC)

🎖️ Reward (2025–ongoing)

Internal committee recommended impeachment — pending with government

Impeachment pending
📰 Source →

V. Ramaswami — Political Protection of a Judge

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (1991–1993)

Faced 14 charges of financial irregularities and extravagant spending as Chief Justice of Punjab & Haryana HC; inquiry committee found him guilty of misconduct

🏛️ Retired

Impeachment reached Lok Sabha

🎖️ Reward (1993)

Ruling Congress party abstained from voting — motion failed despite majority support among attending MPs

Saved by political abstention
📰 Source →

Soumitra Sen — Resigned to Dodge Impeachment

Bench → Retirement → Reward

⚖️ Verdict (2011)

Found guilty by Rajya Sabha of misappropriating public money he handled as a court-appointed receiver before becoming a judge

🏛️ Retired

Resigned before Lok Sabha could vote

🎖️ Reward (2011)

First judge impeached by Rajya Sabha — but resigned just in time to avoid formal removal. No prosecution followed.

Escaped via resignation
📰 Source →

The Systemic Pattern

Judges may consciously or unconsciously favor governments while in office, expecting future appointments. Rajya Sabha seats, Governor posts, tribunal chairs, party memberships — all within months of retirement. No cooling-off period exists in India. The revolving door spins freely.

⏱ Gap: 0 to 4 months (typical)📰 BBC Source →

Court Order No. CJI/FAQ/2026

Frequently Ignored Questions

The questions you always had. The answers the judiciary never gave.

Delivered in the matter of Curious Citizen v. Opaque System.

§1

Why is my case pending for 15 years?

This Hon'ble FAQ Bench, having considered the matter at length, hereby observes that the previous judge retired, the next one was transferred, and the one after that recused himself. The petitioner's case has been given the distinguished attention of three separate judges — none of whom read it. The matter is adjourned sine die. Order accordingly.

§2

Why can't I see the evidence against me?

After due consideration of the submissions made by the learned counsel for the State, this Bench is of the opinion that the evidence is in a sealed cover. For national security. The petitioner's parking ticket dispute is a matter of national importance. This Bench appreciates the petitioner's understanding and patience. Dismissed.

§3

Why did the judge join a political party right after retiring?

This Bench takes judicial notice of the fact that this is a free country. Judges, like all citizens, are entitled to pursue their passions after retirement under Article 19(1)(c). The coincidence that their passion aligns with the party whose cases they adjudicated is noted but not commented upon. No further orders.

§4

How do I file a complaint against a judge?

The petitioner is advised to write to the In-House Committee constituted under the 1997 Restatement of Values. The Committee shall investigate the complaint with the thoroughness and impartiality for which it is known — investigating itself and finding nothing wrong. The system is efficient. Democracy works. Matter disposed of.

§5

Why was my PIL dismissed in 90 seconds?

This Court has 5,00,00,000 pending cases. The petitioner's fundamental rights were allocated a generous 90 seconds of judicial attention — well above the median. Some cases receive less. The petitioner should be grateful. PIL dismissed with costs of Rs. 1,00,000 for wasting the Court's time.

§6

Is there a cooling-off period before judges take government posts?

The answer is in the negative. A judge may retire on Friday and accept appointment as Governor on Monday. This Bench terms it a "seamless career transition." The Law Commission recommended a cooling-off period in its 14th Report. This Bench is still cooling off from reading that recommendation. Listed for next century.

§7

Why do judges appoint judges?

Because who better to judge whether someone is fit to be a judge than another judge? It is judges all the way down. This is the Collegium system, established in the Second and Third Judges Cases. It is working exactly as intended — for the judges. The petitioner's prayer for transparency is noted and ignored. Order reserved indefinitely.

§8

Can I criticise the judiciary?

Absolutely. It is the petitioner's fundamental right under Article 19(1)(a) of the Constitution. However, it is simultaneously contempt of court under the Contempt of Courts Act, 1971. The petitioner is free to speak, and this Court is free to initiate proceedings. Freedom, as this Bench observes, is a beautiful paradox. Suo motu notice issued.

§9

8,600 complaints in 10 years — what happened to them?

This Bench takes note of the Lok Sabha data (February 2026) that 8,600+ complaints were filed against sitting judges from 2016 to 2025, peaking at 1,170 in 2024. Per established procedure, complaints are forwarded to the Chief Justice of the relevant court for 'appropriate action.' What constitutes appropriate action remains, appropriately, undefined. Matter filed.

§10

What is the 'in-house mechanism' for investigating judges?

The in-house mechanism, established under the 1997 Restatement of Values, allows judges to investigate complaints against other judges. The Chief Justice seeks a reply from the accused judge. If dissatisfied, an internal committee is formed — of judges. If the misconduct is 'grave,' the judge may be asked to resign. If they refuse, the matter is referred for impeachment. In 75 years, exactly one judge has been impeached. The mechanism is working as designed.

§11

Can a Class VIII textbook mention corruption in the judiciary?

No. This Bench, led by the Chief Justice himself, took suo motu cognizance of an NCERT Social Science textbook that dared mention 'corruption in the judiciary.' The court demanded 'heads must roll' and banned the entire book. Teaching children about institutional accountability is, per this Court, an attack on democracy. Ignorance is the foundation of respect. Order accordingly.

§12

What happened to the NJAC — Parliament's attempt to reform judicial appointments?

In 2014, Parliament near-unanimously passed the National Judicial Appointments Commission Act to replace the opaque Collegium system. In 2015, the Supreme Court struck it down 4:1, declaring that judges appointing judges is the only way to preserve independence. Parliament, elected by 1.4 billion citizens, was overruled by 5 judges. The Collegium continues. The matter is closed. Democracy prevails.

§13

Rs 15 crore in burnt cash was found at a judge's home — then what?

This Bench acknowledges the unfortunate Holi fire at Justice Yashwant Varma's Delhi residence in March 2025 that revealed approximately Rs 15 crore in charred currency in an external storeroom. The judge denied all connection. The Supreme Court transferred him to his parent court and formed an internal committee. The committee recommended impeachment, which is now 'pending with the government.' Time heals all fires. Listed for review — eventually.

§1

Why is my case pending for 15 years?

This Hon'ble FAQ Bench, having considered the matter at length, hereby observes that the previous judge retired, the next one was transferred, and the one after that recused himself. The petitioner's case has been given the distinguished attention of three separate judges — none of whom read it. The matter is adjourned sine die. Order accordingly.

§2

Why can't I see the evidence against me?

After due consideration of the submissions made by the learned counsel for the State, this Bench is of the opinion that the evidence is in a sealed cover. For national security. The petitioner's parking ticket dispute is a matter of national importance. This Bench appreciates the petitioner's understanding and patience. Dismissed.

§3

Why did the judge join a political party right after retiring?

This Bench takes judicial notice of the fact that this is a free country. Judges, like all citizens, are entitled to pursue their passions after retirement under Article 19(1)(c). The coincidence that their passion aligns with the party whose cases they adjudicated is noted but not commented upon. No further orders.

§4

How do I file a complaint against a judge?

The petitioner is advised to write to the In-House Committee constituted under the 1997 Restatement of Values. The Committee shall investigate the complaint with the thoroughness and impartiality for which it is known — investigating itself and finding nothing wrong. The system is efficient. Democracy works. Matter disposed of.

§5

Why was my PIL dismissed in 90 seconds?

This Court has 5,00,00,000 pending cases. The petitioner's fundamental rights were allocated a generous 90 seconds of judicial attention — well above the median. Some cases receive less. The petitioner should be grateful. PIL dismissed with costs of Rs. 1,00,000 for wasting the Court's time.

§6

Is there a cooling-off period before judges take government posts?

The answer is in the negative. A judge may retire on Friday and accept appointment as Governor on Monday. This Bench terms it a "seamless career transition." The Law Commission recommended a cooling-off period in its 14th Report. This Bench is still cooling off from reading that recommendation. Listed for next century.

§7

Why do judges appoint judges?

Because who better to judge whether someone is fit to be a judge than another judge? It is judges all the way down. This is the Collegium system, established in the Second and Third Judges Cases. It is working exactly as intended — for the judges. The petitioner's prayer for transparency is noted and ignored. Order reserved indefinitely.

§8

Can I criticise the judiciary?

Absolutely. It is the petitioner's fundamental right under Article 19(1)(a) of the Constitution. However, it is simultaneously contempt of court under the Contempt of Courts Act, 1971. The petitioner is free to speak, and this Court is free to initiate proceedings. Freedom, as this Bench observes, is a beautiful paradox. Suo motu notice issued.

§9

8,600 complaints in 10 years — what happened to them?

This Bench takes note of the Lok Sabha data (February 2026) that 8,600+ complaints were filed against sitting judges from 2016 to 2025, peaking at 1,170 in 2024. Per established procedure, complaints are forwarded to the Chief Justice of the relevant court for 'appropriate action.' What constitutes appropriate action remains, appropriately, undefined. Matter filed.

§10

What is the 'in-house mechanism' for investigating judges?

The in-house mechanism, established under the 1997 Restatement of Values, allows judges to investigate complaints against other judges. The Chief Justice seeks a reply from the accused judge. If dissatisfied, an internal committee is formed — of judges. If the misconduct is 'grave,' the judge may be asked to resign. If they refuse, the matter is referred for impeachment. In 75 years, exactly one judge has been impeached. The mechanism is working as designed.

§11

Can a Class VIII textbook mention corruption in the judiciary?

No. This Bench, led by the Chief Justice himself, took suo motu cognizance of an NCERT Social Science textbook that dared mention 'corruption in the judiciary.' The court demanded 'heads must roll' and banned the entire book. Teaching children about institutional accountability is, per this Court, an attack on democracy. Ignorance is the foundation of respect. Order accordingly.

§12

What happened to the NJAC — Parliament's attempt to reform judicial appointments?

In 2014, Parliament near-unanimously passed the National Judicial Appointments Commission Act to replace the opaque Collegium system. In 2015, the Supreme Court struck it down 4:1, declaring that judges appointing judges is the only way to preserve independence. Parliament, elected by 1.4 billion citizens, was overruled by 5 judges. The Collegium continues. The matter is closed. Democracy prevails.

§13

Rs 15 crore in burnt cash was found at a judge's home — then what?

This Bench acknowledges the unfortunate Holi fire at Justice Yashwant Varma's Delhi residence in March 2025 that revealed approximately Rs 15 crore in charred currency in an external storeroom. The judge denied all connection. The Supreme Court transferred him to his parent court and formed an internal committee. The committee recommended impeachment, which is now 'pending with the government.' Time heals all fires. Listed for review — eventually.

From the Bench

The Wall of Shame

Real statements made by real judges — in open court, on record

Supreme Court of India2025
There are youngsters like cockroaches, who don't get any employment or have any place in the profession. Some of them become media, some of them become social media, RTI activists and other activists, and they start attacking everyone.

CJI Surya Kant

Said during an open court hearing, comparing unemployed youth and activists to 'parasites' and 'cockroaches' for questioning the judiciary.

Allahabad High Court2025
The allegations levelled against the accused... hardly constitute an offence of attempt to rape. In order to bring out a charge of attempt to rape, the prosecution must establish that it had gone beyond the stage of preparation.

Justice Ram Manohar Narayan Mishra

Ruled that grabbing a minor girl's breasts, loosening her garment, and trying to drag her under a culvert did not amount to 'attempt to rape' — merely 'preparation.'

Supreme Court of India2021
If you want to marry her we can help you. If not, you lose your job and go to jail.

CJI SA Bobde

Asked a 23-year-old man accused of raping a 16-year-old girl — a distant relative — whether he would marry her, offering to 'help' facilitate it.

The Sealed Cover Courtroom

You are a defense attorney. The prosecution keeps submitting sealed covers you cannot see. Try to defend your client against invisible evidence. Spoiler: you will lose.

“The right to a fair trial is guaranteed*”

*Terms and conditions apply. Sealed cover not included.

Closing Argument

 

 

⚖️ Word of the Day

In the Interest of Justice

Legal meaning: You already know.

CJI meaning: Because we said so